My numbness has taken my life

Well it's final.My heart has stopped and I'm now dead...I've learned that my Edward never loved me.Not even once and he only wanted to see what made me tick...I feel so numb and yet I can still feel the pain pushing through begging for me to go insane...I will never in my life as long as I live NEVER trust another guy with my heart.I will never let them in...Every things such a blur and i want to break down and cry but I don't really know how to right now.I'm losing myself trying to figure myself out and where I belong as a friend,sister,daughter,ex-girlfriend and more to come...I can't hold on to this...I know i should get over him but what he said to me...stabs me like a fricken knife and it hurts like hell...If a boy wants me...then he's just going to have to earn my heart cause I will NEVER trust another boy in my life...Why is this happening to me?Can't ANYBODY tell me that!?

~Bella~