My numbness has taken my life

Well it's final.My heart has stopped and I'm now dead...I've learned that my Edward never loved me.Not even once and he only wanted to see what made me tick...I feel so numb and yet I can still feel the pain pushing through begging for me to go insane...I will never in my life as long as I live NEVER trust another guy with my heart.I will never let them in...Every things such a blur and i want to break down and cry but I don't really know how to right now.I'm losing myself trying to figure myself out and where I belong as a friend,sister,daughter,ex-girlfriend and more to come...I can't hold on to this...I know i should get over him but what he said to me...stabs me like a fricken knife and it hurts like hell...If a boy wants me...then he's just going to have to earn my heart cause I will NEVER trust another boy in my life...Why is this happening to me?Can't ANYBODY tell me that!?

~Bella~

My nightmare is real life pain

So it's finally been done.My Edward broke up with me last night.It happened in such a fast motion it was like a blur.No i take it back it wasn't like a blur.It WAS a blur.I couldn't say what I really thought about what he was saying at the moment cause I had became so numb at the moment the only thing that took me from the pain and numbness was the tears that were falling from my cheeks.I didn't go to bed last night until 4:53am to frightened I might dream of him.and w hen i did go to sleep.I did dream of him.So now I wonder to myself "was it something I said or did.I cried so hard last night I may even be ashamed of myself...But I've given it thought and I'm not going to have another boyfriend for a long time.probably not until I'm 16...

~Isabella~

YAY!!!

Hey everyone,
How was your Christmas?New Years?Christmas was hard for me but as of today one person told me that my friend Alice really didn't kill herself.Okay hearing that small of news made me scream of joy and tears.I can finally stop grieving over my friends death because she's not dead.never did she really kill herself.I'm so happy I don't know what to do.The past days I've been nothing but a complete zombie.And don't you people out there reading this say "just get over it" you say that then you can leave my blog...But for the others then if you want you can scream with me...

-Bella